Silly Joke Thread

[kiwimazda]

Scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.

I\'m not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

[B.Martin]

That\'s better kiwi :Giggle

\'I was checking in at a hotel the other day and a rather snobby bloke infront of me said to the receptionist \'I hope the porn channel is disabled!\' it\'s horrific what some people are into now days!


(hope that doesn\'t offend anyone, as that is not my intention - it\'s just a joke someone sent me the other day )

[Brett]

LMAO!

I cried for the first time in years when my wife died.

...30 grand I spent on that car!

[B.Martin]

I  desperately needed a massive crap on the train today but the toilet was  out of order, so I just sat there and held it for about 20 minutes. The  woman sitting opposite looked at me in disgust and said, "Is that a poo  in your hand?"

[kiwimazda]

In a recent interveiw a Thai lady said the floods were so deep that the water was up to her :censored::censored::censored::censored::censored::censored::censored::censored:.

[Bobbit]

I got so sick of all the trick or treaters that I decided to turn my lights off and pretend I wasn\'t in.
Sod the ships, my lighthouse, my rules.

[L18M]

what did one saggy breast say to the other saggy breast?
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if we dont get support soon, people will think we\'re nuts.

[L18M]

i woke up with a boil on my twang the other day...
lucky it wasn\'t susan.

[L18M]

I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...
\'Oi, what\'s your disability?\'
I said \'Tourettes! Now f**k off!\'

[kiwimazda]

Why there are no male agony aunts...............
Dear Jim, last week I left for work as normal but having only gone a mile my car broke down so I walked home again & arriving unexpectedly I found my 16yr old babysitter handcuffed 2 the bed in her school uniform with my husband bent over her!
I am devastated can u help ?

 
Dear Sally... A common cause for this is dirt in your carburettor dont let your fuel drop 2 low in the tank hope this helps ...Jim

[Brett]

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

\'Nice bike,\' the cop said. \'Did Santa bring it to you?\'

\'Yes Sir,\' the little girl said, \'he sure did!\'

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, \'Next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it!\'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, \'Nice horse you\'ve got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?\'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered, \'Yes, he sure did!\'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, \'Next year tell Santa: The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top \'

[RobMatthews]

My Travels and future holidays

My Travels
I have been in many places, but I\'ve never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can\'t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with
someone.
I\'ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don\'t have an airport; you have to
be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my
friends, family and work. I live close so it\'s a short drive.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I\'m not
too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to
visit there too often.
I\'ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I\'m in Capable, and I go there more often as I\'m getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the
adrenaline flowing and pumps up the
old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not.
People keep telling me I\'m in Denial but I\'m positive I\'ve never been
there before!
I have been in Deep 5h1t many times; the older I get, the easier it is
to get there. I actually kind of enjoy it there.
So far, I haven\'t been in Continent; but my travel agent says I\'ll be
going soon.
Wishing you all safe travels

[RobMatthews]

The wife was asking what I was doing on the computer last night.I told her I was looking for cheap flights"I love you!" she yelled, then she got all excited, unzipped my trousers and gave me the most amazing blowjob ever.Which was odd, because she\'s never shown an interest in darts before...

[RobMatthews]

People of walmart

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ghrDIQ-K8mg

[kiwimazda]

My wife has worked as a magician\'s assistant for years now. I think she has picked up a few tricks.
I came home from work early today and she was in the bedroom. She said, "Abracadabra!" and my mate, Frank, came out of the wardrobe, stark naked.
Poor bloke must have wondered what the hell was going on.