Well the time has come,
I need to pussy up and admit I have a problem, not a rotary joke or anything like that, I need to tell you all I am a genuine 100% addict,
Can't really talk to anyone alone in my cab and definitely none of the crew as you know we're all roadies!
Facebook is a little close to home so here I am
Years ago I recognised i was getting silly with drink, sitting outside a pub Christmas Day at 9am wasn't a good look,
So I quit full stop just quit and it stuck and I've been proud ever since but what i didn't realise at the time and up until now is I didn't beat my addiction I replaced it,
Coca Cola and red bull, look back in any of my pictures of me or the car or the workshop I bet there will be a bottle or a can in most of them,
But you know that's not a real addiction I didn't have a problem,
I even quit smoking 2 years ago, and haven't put my e-cig down since. But that's still not a problem right?
And the fact that I never stopped taking the tramadol or whatever else I could get after my accident? Well that's because my necks still bad?
Yep all good here mate, £20-£30. Day on drink, juices and painkillers etc not a problem,
Cocaine yeah every 6 months or so I'd do a line but then when my back pain really kicked in and I forgot to take my anti depressants well yeah obviously Coke will help,
So for the past 6 months it went up to a baller every pay day, that's not bad right, rail it a bit get a sore nose and then leave it for a few days???
Yeah that was the idea until I started realising I wasn't right and the bloody nose didn't stop me, saline wash and get some more up there to numb it,
So yeah every month turned into whenever I had money and was local or near a contact and it didn't stop when the nose got sore no more,
One more it's 3am I'm chatting to Americans non stop and have to be up at 9am well I won't sleep now my hearts racing so yeah let's do another and try slowing my breathing yeah you all know how that works out.
So when it got to the point where I would just carry on til it we gone for no reason what so ever and my Mrs started getting hints and I knew I got 4 days off in Glasgow coming up well yeah maybe it's time to get some help,
E-mailed a few walk ins and groups, 30 minutes no relies bang bang 3 more chubby lines and that's it I'm phoning,
Talking to a rehab council on the phone out loud rather than in your head really puts things in perspective
Quite a wake up,
I doubt any of you are in the same situation as your cars are bleeding you dry but if you are can you help or can I help you.
A shout out to my rotards
U gotts sit down and speak to your misses mate. Talk it through with her...she probably knows summit up. Women are epic at dealing with things like this.
Fellow Rotard here ;),
Good for you Mikey -------------- not the same but only real addiction other than cars, racing and females, years ago (Lisa) was virtually chain smoking and I was totally addicted until I bought an FD that needed work well before the days of cheap spares though imports being brought in and broken.
The more I worried about how to find the money to put into the car----------and I smoked more!
I realised I wanted my car on the road more than I wanted to be addicted wasting money on fags, chucked them out the window and havent smoked in 20 years.
I know of another guy, same thing, wanted a Harley, put each days money in a pot and got a Harley
Good luck out there, I wish you well 8)
The issue was the decline happened over such a long period so gradually I still felt in control as I was on day one, you think you see it but it's only when you admit the problem the past start showing you you really didn't see,
You dare not do the count on how much you potentially spent over time but is always the first question people come out with, and at this stage you are self loathing enough you do not need it pointing out and that's the best cold turkey,
My sister hasn't got that yet, she is nagging me over the phone mom and dad are upset you didn't tell them they few left out you never visit, etc etc
Some people understand space, depression, addiction, then you get people like my family that are firm believers that it's all on your head get on with it don't be silly you go to the Drs that's on you record then what I'll you do,,,,,
And shit like that makes a turned off phone and a good old ignoring session highly likely?
Which of course is when it gets ya